February 10, 2007

torn....

"So I guess the fortune tellers right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now I don't care,
I have no luck,
I dont miss it all that much
Theres just so many things that I cant touch,
Im torn...."-Natalie Imbruglia.

These words always make me think....and ponder over my convictions. I try to figure out whether I am religious or an atheist, I have Nihilistic tendencies or do I actually believe in something? am I superstitious? I am so torn between these questions....
I am of little faith and yet I believe there is a God.
I pray and call out to him yet I do not practice a religion.
I do not believe in rituals and ceremonies and yet I do them for the love of my loved ones!!
Does that make me a hypocrite?Do I not know my mind..yes ...I guess I dont....but I sure would like to know for once where I stand!!
That is the good thing about certain religions, Christianity or Buddhism...they have certain practices that keep them rooted and make them believe in their faith.
In Huinduism there are just too many Gods, too many legends and too many mythologies....dont know which to beleive and which God to follow!
Mine right now is a self - religious crisis...if such a thing exists!!!
All I can say is my religion is humanitarianism!!!