I am a woman.

I as a woman am offended when in the name of religion women are expected to sacrifice.
Recently I was faced with an argument that a religious practice called Karwa Chauth.
A practice in the Indian faith where women fast all day long without food and water for the long
life of their husband and eat only after the moon is out. I like anyone else would want to wish well on my spouse. Though why the need to fast is my first question and secondly why women? Should it not go both ways? Why can men not observe this practice for the well being of women in their lives? Women who marry them, live with them, give them kids, take care of homes, also cook at times, as per Indian tradition they leave all that they know behind to give the men a life, make their families their own, their parents give dowries, pay for lavish and extravagant weddings, they even get tortured by in laws for in factions like infertility.
The whole premise of my question is why in this time and era do women still fear? Our parents spent as much time, money and love on us as much as men? What then gives men the gall to presume they are superior?  Why sell ourselves short? Why not teach our daughters that they are worth it. They should not settle and never be with anyone who or his family does not respect her and her family which is common humanity.
From ancient times women have been treated like chattel. They were bartered like commodity, they were plundered, raped and sodomized as per convenience. Is it not enough? We have stepped into the 21st century, we aspire to reach the far galaxies and planets and yet we cannot respect human beings equally?
The verbatim definition of feminism is "the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men."
 Is it not time we upheld it and respect women by providing equal rights as a society in India and the world? 

one step

One step forward and two steps back.

Lying to oneself is easy and to others...even easier. We all have instincts and our instincts tell us when someone is angry with us, when they have shut down , when they are ignoring us and when ...they just don't care. Yes, certainly sometimes we are mistaken and it is not all that sombre. Thus in relationships its like a dance... we take one step towards someone and then retreat two steps, afraid of being hurt or hurting others. Self doubt and second guessing has become my second nature. Which leads me to....

I am confused about myself. The direction where I am headed, my reasons for the things I do and for what is it that I am on this God's green earth to do? To be a mother? To be a friend? To be a wife? To be a worker? To be a writer? To be a painter? To be a cook? I have numerous interests and yet nothing fuels my passions on an on going basis.
I see the judgement in people's eyes. For the longest time people worked hard for women to get education and equal rights. It is still an ongoing battle in some places. Does that not put undue pressure on women who have it and yet want to be something other than a worker bee or just ambitious for career and money? Can't I just want to be me? These existential issues keep coming up and I struggle with them some and then let them go at times. I let go of them and my insecurities until I come across someone again asking me, "Don't you have a MBA?" Does that mean that I HAVE to use my degree? Does that mean I have no other options? Does that not mean that I have that too as an option if I choose it to be?
That then brings me right back to...what DO I want? Which comes back as a resounding "I have no Bloody idea!!!" 

Am I a feminist

So recently I was asked if I had feminist views. That got me thinking...do I? Honestly I never thought in those terms. The fact that whether I am a feminist or not. I do believe in equality, gender equality. I do think we all whether male of female have the right to scio-economic, political equality. But does that make me a feminist?
A famous person (Emma Watson) recently said this quite well and I paraphrase that feminism by definition means gender equality but lately it has become synonymous with man-hating. That just won't do. I definitely know I do not believe in that.
I do think sometimes all the power and attention that has been endorsed to this issue has tipped the balance in a way. Women are striving to attain equality and yet are misguided in thinking it will only be possible by demeaning or degrading the masculine gender. Is that fair? To paint the whole gender in the same color?
I don't think so.
If equality is to be attained then a balance needs to be struck. The women have to rise and the men have to let go of their egos. It is like in any aspect of nature. Yin and Yang. Until there is a balance of genders, harmony does not seem likely.
I do not say this lightly. All my life I have met resistance and have been judged and ridiculed and under estimated just because of my gender. I have struggled with those odds but at the same time kept in sight that it was a male member of the world that actually gave me my wings to fly.
We just have to break the cycle of entitlement is what it is. Men are not born privileged or with the knowledge that they are (mistakenly) the superior gender. It is the parents or society as far as early education goes, who give them the values and thoughts that they are special or different and that blue is for boys and only cars and trucks are to be played with.The retailers propagate this as well.
  This gender defining activities are what sets the two genders apart since childhood and as they grow older the abyss grows and so does the gender definitions. Same goes with the girls of the world. They do not have to wear pink all the time, learn ballet and cook and play with dolls. If  there is a conscious dilution of the rigid roles and definitions, it will by itself  dissolve a huge part of the stark differences.
So the question still remains....am I a feminist?