Woman power

All my life I have been told and I am sure many of you have been told growing up. 

“Conceal….don’t feel.”

“Act like a lady.” 

“Behave yourself.”

“Say you are sorry.” 

“Don’t be a drama queen.”

I can go on and on about the things I heard parents tell their kids especially girls. Growing up it all became a part of my psyche. 

As women we have been told to be extra careful and mindful and it gets ingrained in our brains till we start manifesting those voices in our heads as our own thinking. 

My mind reels at all the information I have been handed down and belief system that is actually flawed. It worked for the last generation but evolution is constant and thus it is now necessary to move away from those thinking processes to a more elevated plain of thought. 

As women we are strong, capable and so much better informed. We have the strength to change the world. The power has always resided in us. Thus in many cultures women are revered and Goddesses are offered offerings to please and blessings are asked for.

Then why is it that we as women are the first to gossip? To judge the other woman? To belittle and trivialize their journey? 

We are the foundation of humanity. The power then lies within us build a strong and reliable society on it. 

Where am I going with this? I think women empower women like no one else. 

I was recently at a workshop where after an intense session I found myself emotional and teary eyed. The women around me reached out and helped me. No judgment. They helped me deal with my emotions and understood me. It was empowering. I was grateful for their compassion and love that was sent my way. But the biggest take away for me was how we as women, as a collective are stronger. When we hold each other up. We shine! We all can shine together. 

It’s okay to be emotional, to be vulnerable to be raw. We are allowed to cry. We can tell our kids that it’s ok to cry. We do not have to be brave all the time. 

When our children see us cry. Other women see us cry, they are moved to compassion and there in that moment a bridge is build. A connection. A trust bond. That what vulnerability does for you. Do not be afraid to show who you are. Do not be afraid to let go. Do not be afraid to be sad sometimes.  

All roads lead to love. To more love, connections and the openness of the heart and mind. 

There is a reason in olden days women congregated together and worked through each others’ problems. They supported each other and together they built strong communities. In some cultures women still do that. It has power. Now the question is how do they use this power? 

As the quote goes “With any great power comes great responsibility.” 

I am a woman.

I as a woman am offended when in the name of religion women are expected to sacrifice.
Recently I was faced with an argument that a religious practice called Karwa Chauth.
A practice in the Indian faith where women fast all day long without food and water for the long
life of their husband and eat only after the moon is out. I like anyone else would want to wish well on my spouse. Though why the need to fast is my first question and secondly why women? Should it not go both ways? Why can men not observe this practice for the well being of women in their lives? Women who marry them, live with them, give them kids, take care of homes, also cook at times, as per Indian tradition they leave all that they know behind to give the men a life, make their families their own, their parents give dowries, pay for lavish and extravagant weddings, they even get tortured by in laws for in factions like infertility.
The whole premise of my question is why in this time and era do women still fear? Our parents spent as much time, money and love on us as much as men? What then gives men the gall to presume they are superior?  Why sell ourselves short? Why not teach our daughters that they are worth it. They should not settle and never be with anyone who or his family does not respect her and her family which is common humanity.
From ancient times women have been treated like chattel. They were bartered like commodity, they were plundered, raped and sodomized as per convenience. Is it not enough? We have stepped into the 21st century, we aspire to reach the far galaxies and planets and yet we cannot respect human beings equally?
The verbatim definition of feminism is "the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men."
 Is it not time we upheld it and respect women by providing equal rights as a society in India and the world? 

Don't let me go

I find myself in a place. A place a lot of us might find ourselves.
Its limbo.
If someone glances into the window of my life it seems perfect.
Yes, everything a person can need to exist is available.
What society perceives as achievement is there.
Yet I find myself swimming in a funk.
It's like I am floating right under the surface of reality.
I know I am underwater. I can hear the loud silences.
I can hear my heart beating in my ears. I know I exist.
I know I want to break over the edge of the water.
As I see the light play on the surface I want to reach over and touch its warmth.
Yet, something holds me back.
What is it?
I don't know. My fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of seeing a new reality.
Fear of changing things as is.
So thus I float. For now. The water is like a glass barrier above me,
between me and the world.
Is that reality better than this? I have no idea.
I have a straw to breathe.
The straw that I hold on to with dear life.
Its the only link between me and my chance to reality.
The only link in the chain that keeps reminding me that I should not
forget that I was once different and things CAN be different someday.
Till the day I can break free...oh dear straw of mine...don't let me go.
I might lose sight and lull myself into false security in this limbo.
You are my touchstone.
Don't let me forget.....and don't ever let me go!

Masks

It is said that we all wear masks... we mask our true selves for fear of discovery.
Behind the masks lie our true natures with facets of lust, fear, violence, anger and such.
There is also facets of vulnerability and pain and such as well.
It becomes necessary I guess, after a while as being your true selves gets one
judgement and ridicules.
Now my observation is not on the masks, that I know exists.
My thoughts are on who taught us to put on the masks and also...when.
All human behaviour is learned behaviour. We are a clean slate when we enter
this world. Then when do we learn to pretend?
The answer in my opinion is since we began talking as a child.
I see parents chide children, this is not right, that is not right.
You cannot say this, you cannot say that.
What are we really doing?
We are conditioning the child to alter their true nature and being themselves
to little minions of us who will follow other minions and dodos and fall off the
face of this proverbial life and Earth.
Years ago a child once called me "Fat". I laughed, I knew she was right. I was overweight and
from her vantage point I would look exactly like the picture depicting "Fat" in her
kiddi books. What was more hurtful was her mom telling her its not polite to say that.
When the child asked why, she said "You know how you do not call a blind person blind or a
mentally challenged person retard you do not call over weight people Fat!"
It felt like I was kicked in the guts.
This is how we teach our children to put on another mask. To be polite.
Do not talk about the obvious.
I as one individual cannot change the entire society and world, but that does not
render me blind. I see the hypocrisy, I see the pretences.
It irritates me to see people with masks on.
That is why , when I  meet someone without one...very rarely but I do
meet some who have chosen not to don the proverbial mask I rejoice.
I get so excited and try to hold on to them. Sometimes quite fervently.
It is refreshing.

But then as no man is an island, so at times only by donning the masks can we walk
the earth and look for the few without them or showing cracks on their masks
so we can reach each other and cast them off together! We now need the masks to
survive the world...and look for like minded individuals with whom we can let the masks slip away!

one step

One step forward and two steps back.

Lying to oneself is easy and to others...even easier. We all have instincts and our instincts tell us when someone is angry with us, when they have shut down , when they are ignoring us and when ...they just don't care. Yes, certainly sometimes we are mistaken and it is not all that sombre. Thus in relationships its like a dance... we take one step towards someone and then retreat two steps, afraid of being hurt or hurting others. Self doubt and second guessing has become my second nature. Which leads me to....

I am confused about myself. The direction where I am headed, my reasons for the things I do and for what is it that I am on this God's green earth to do? To be a mother? To be a friend? To be a wife? To be a worker? To be a writer? To be a painter? To be a cook? I have numerous interests and yet nothing fuels my passions on an on going basis.
I see the judgement in people's eyes. For the longest time people worked hard for women to get education and equal rights. It is still an ongoing battle in some places. Does that not put undue pressure on women who have it and yet want to be something other than a worker bee or just ambitious for career and money? Can't I just want to be me? These existential issues keep coming up and I struggle with them some and then let them go at times. I let go of them and my insecurities until I come across someone again asking me, "Don't you have a MBA?" Does that mean that I HAVE to use my degree? Does that mean I have no other options? Does that not mean that I have that too as an option if I choose it to be?
That then brings me right back to...what DO I want? Which comes back as a resounding "I have no Bloody idea!!!" 

I wonder again...

As we grow and time passes...I am forced to wonder and ponder over this one thing. What is morality? What are ethics? What is right and what is wrong? What is natural and what is unnatural?
Yes, these may be questions that plagued many a philosophers and thinkers. It bothers me too. I wonder about these questions as they come into play on a daily bases in my life and of all that I know.
I was told by one person homosexuality was wrong. I asked "Why do you think that?" The answer, though I do not know why it surprised me, was , "Its unnatural. Nature made man and woman for specific reasons and thus to mate in any other equation is against nature."
I was pained by this view. Yes, it is that person's view point. Yet the narrow thinking pained me. How does one grow older and never evolves? I did try to explain to the best of my ability and yet it fell short and the person turned away, clasping tightly to their archaic view point.
So I think who has placed these views in people? How does one come to the conclusion that one act is right and one is wrong? Who gives them the authority to judge an action, a thought a feeling?
If a married woman/man felt an innate need is not being met , they seize an opportunity if it arose, to fulfill it, will they be considered immoral? Most people are conditioned to believe that society functions in absolutes! Yet, is it? Wrong or immoral I mean? Can a person not love one and yet find a need fulfilled somewhere else? I bet the people who are members of Ashley Maddison might back me up on this! Yet thats what got me thinking on this train of thought. Why is it considered cheating or betrayal? Where does it say by nature we are to be monogamous? Yes, it says so in the the holy books of certain religions. But them who wrote those books? Men! Then it is thinking of certain men that decide what we should think is right or wrong not our own sense of judgement.
Here is what I think, we are born once. We have no idea of what came before or what is to come after. We have been given an individual brain for a reason or else we would have been part of a collective like the Borge. We are meant to take decisions pertaining to our lives, individually. Morality, ethics, right, wrong, natural and unnatural are all relative terms and we have to weigh our options based on personal opinion instead of something handed down by a faceless people centuries ago which hold no sense of propriety in today's time and age. It may have been good for the society at their time as it needed the structure and guidlines as it was evolving. Now we are past that and as evolution continues we need to stop with the collective thinking and really apply our own sense to the matter. Society will not disintegrate unlike the popular belief. Now I know some one will argue, then that should we let people do what ever they want like rob, rape and cheat others. NO! That is not what I am saying and if this thought has crossed your mind after reading the above, you should stop reading!
As long as it does not do harm to any other being, its not fatal to anyone, our decisions have to be our own, in matters that pertain only to self and has nothing to do with opion of others is where I am coming from. I am not asking to dessimate society completely.I am saying it is possible to maintain one's inviduality also in a social setting.Matters pertaining to the heart. Marraige, job, friendship, fashion, your own life. Do not be the sheep following the herd!
 We cannot view the world by the standards set by someone centuries ago. We must not judge at all. We have to take it as a part of evolution and learn to grow individually as well as appreciate the growth and changes around us.