Turning leaves.....

The days are getting darker, faster.
The leaves are turning color. From green, to orange to brown.

Slowly, gently...riding the breeze...goes down the bouquets of leaves.
They form kelidoscopes of patterns on the uneven earth.
Sometimes I wish I were an accomplished painter.
Sometimes I reach for my camera, in vain.
Then I lay the though aside, gently, trying not to hurt my own feelings...
There is no picture to be taken or painted....
not any that can justify the sheer stupendous beauty and attention to detail...
the creator has infused in every little atom of the topography.

All I can do is look around and marvel...and take it all in.
Absorb and burn it ...in the cores of my mind,heart and my entire being...

a home...a world.....

A few days ago I packed up my home and put it in storage.
As I walked through each room,
picked up every little trinklet, wrapped it in bubble,
I lived a whole day...a whole memory with it.
a picture slipped out the back of a book case.
A memory slipped in my mind.
I played over each time we walked through a shop and chose the
one thing we finally picked up.
After putting every piece of my home in storage,
when I turned off the light for the last time...
the sadness I felt was overwhelming.

I know we will take another house,
We can open every piece and start over.
Yet, I will miss my home which I had built. It was small
it was tiny and over crowded...but it was a home which had love.
I could get up in the morning and see the hills from my window.
I could walk on the cool balcony floor, bare feet, and smell the fresh
grass. My lungs felt they would explode with every breath of fresh air I took.

LIfe goes on, things change, people change, nothing stays forever...yet...there are
somethings which we wish they would stay...and not every moment be
as flimsy and fleeting than it seems...

A moment in time!!!

A day or a moment in our lives can actually define the rest of our lives.
One little incident can change the direction of the course of our meandering river of our future.
What a lot of us know but refuse to accept is that it is a moment is time, an insignificant blimp and it will go away.
This too shall pass!
Surely there will be a new morning and there will be life and there will always be a step after the next.
Just a matter of taking the next step and letting the moment pass.
Life is like a breeze, it is all around us.
We have to let it flow.
Sometimes hot, sometimes cold, we have learn to live with it and it will never do us harm.What seems intolerable today, will be bearable tomorrow...just need to let life work its magic.
Nothing lasts forever, no joy, n sadness, we will get over and we should get over death, betrayal,sepration,frustration....its all momentary, it is all an illusion, it will all pass!!

Eulogy to a dear dear friend....

He was my closest friend.
We spent hours and days and countless precious moments together.
He would listen to me, I would hear him.

We would talk hours to end about this and that.
Most people though we made no sense....and yet....
He made perfect sense to me and me to him.
His thoughts were precious pearls I would collect every time we spoke,
and would carefully sow them in a necklace.
Any time I felt lonely, alone, sad or just blank,
I would take one of those necklaces in my hand,feel each pearl and feel better.

It seems bizzare that I would write this for a person who is still alive.
And yet, he is gone.
My friend, my buddy, a friend of my soul,
has left me where I was and moved on.

I dont know for better things or not....you see...we dont talk any more.
Sure we keep in touch sporadically,
but it is not the same...
My friend....is no more ...for me.....
as he is no more there.....for me.....

Translation Required!!

What I dont get is why I cannot express what I think and feel at times.

There is a huge turmoil in my heart and I want to talk about it but the words
stick in my throat.

I want to show how I feel but the feelings dont translate in words ...

I need a translator of my heart...I want to be able to tell what I think...

I want to say what I think and be able to be understood...is it too much to ask??

To be understood without having to try to explain what I want to say??

Corner of my Heart...

There is a corner of my heart I seldom visit...
Every once in a while I wander in its direction.

I can hear my steps like in a hollow tomb.
There are cobwebs of time.
some paintings like memories have gathered dust over time.

I run my mind over them like I would run my hand over a steamy mirror,
I end up pressing my palm to my heart...and try to see clearly...
sometimes I do see and feel the times again... sometimes I get only figments and fleeting
moments....scraps and snaps of things gone by long ago.

My heart aches at some visits and smiles at some.
My entire being yearns to recapture the past...
my mind just sits smug...high up.....knowing it will never be...
yet my heart...is unconsolable...

I slowly extract myself from the corner and silently pull
close the door,
vowing again, vainly, to never return...

but corner tugs at the most unexpected times...

I ignore it...

yet I know it is still there...quite....waiting ....for my return...

waiting for my heart's hollow footsteps to fall in its direction.....again!!!

starz....

When the stars came out to play
in the playground of the inky dark skies.

The clouds decided to tease the stars
they held hands and made the earth shiver.
Diming and hiding the stars' shiny glory.

The stars tried their best,
dodging in and out.
Twinkling at best.
They danced around in the skies.

This is an eternal game they have played
since ever...

Then comes out the moon...
in its full glory ...on its chariot of shiny white light.

The moon became the referee between the starz and clouds,
It pushed the clouds away and gave the starz their fair
time to shine and shine till the sun
came to chase them all away and
take over his rightful place in the sky.

The sun made the clouds melt away
and outshined the starz.
The moon quitely shyed away.

No one argued with the sun,
they all took a step back,
quietly,
bidding their time.
When the sun will tire and retire for the day,
then they would come back,
to play their eternal game...of
hide and seek.

drops of sunlight!!

The last dying rays of the amber sunlight...
slant through the window,
reflect off the glass,
and make the drops of mist that have formed on my eye lashes...
go away.

I dream, I think and then I dream some more.
There are times when I look out the window and see the swaying trees.
The barren trees swaying in the cold winter wind.
I feel barren.
I dont want the night to go,
I dont want to wake up,
I dont want to face another day.

Yet I do.
For you.
I dont know who you are.
I dont know where you are.
I dont know what is it I wait for.
I know there is someone or something missing.

I will wait, I will wait till the day the drops of the first rays
of the melting sun touch my eyes and I wake up to a new day.
A new life...
or a new vision,misson or purpose of life!!!