Take a walk one way…then look at something…it clicks…and then take different path….
It never makes sense, sometimes it all seems so simple…that it is one foot in front of the other, walk, walk, walk until you reach a point where either you turn back or take another route…
Yet there are days that there are times where nothing seems simple, the foot does not obey, it does not move and no matter what we do….it does not go….
What do we do then?
The shadows of the wind cover you…when you walk, you hear the sounds and it seems like it will work...and then there is the whistling and howling and you wonder how you can make it stop…
Everything seems to be in contradiction…life seems such a paradox….at odds and ends…and all I really want at this point is a being…who listens…understands…and helps me make sense of this illusion….or reality which seems askew…..
October 26, 2009
September 30, 2009
The black and red of life
When I walked down the stairs of the black and red club….pulsing with loud music…..all I wanted to do was dance, let my hair down and have fun.
I wanted to feel free, not look over my shoulder to see disapproving glances, and sly looks towards wallets.
We walked up to the bar, ordered a few shots of vodka and already my body was swaying to the music. It was following an ancient rhythm where everything took on a hue of its own. I could feel the alcohol loosen my body, the pains receding from every pore of my being. For days I had been feeling a nagging ache in my being. This night was all about me. Just me! No one knew who I was, and I felt like a million dollars, that’s exactly what I wanted.
We swung over to the dance floor, there I began dancing, and it was surreal. So many throbbing bodies around me, dancing, swinging and feeling each and every beat. Though we were strangers in the night, like passing ships on a harbor, but we all danced as one.
There was a sense of release on everyone’s faces and there seem to be a secret smile….as if we knew a secret and it was making us happy. I closed my eyes and let the mix of music, alcohol and flashing lights take me over. I did not care what my body did… I let it pulsate, holding my friend’s hand….I had a vague sense of her being around and yet I did not need her to hold my hand. She gave me a great gift, a gift of introduction to myself.
For a long time I had been feeling lost within a maze of expectations. Today as I danced and saw the admiration in the eyes of strangers….for me…not as someone’s wife or daughter or friend…but Me! It gave the confidence to think that I myself am a person that someone might be interested in talking to…dance with…meet me….
After I returned from this amazing experience, for days I have been glowing …and smiling…and been feeling invincible. Nothing seems to faze me… I want to smile all the time; I am loving me and thus am feeling the love around me. People are looking at different or rather I am noticing them notice me….the feeling is stupendous….
I might not get a night like that again…the magic, the dream…but that night and the people who were around me that night gave me a new lease on life. I felt so good about myself that it has galvanized me to achieve more, aspire more for myself, think less of others’ expectations of me and think more of what I want and need. It was a one night trip that made me see my life through the haze and truly think of how I am spending it and how I want to lead it.
I also know Rome was not built in a day and thus I will not take any rash decisions…but I am thinking…and if one starts thinking and believing… then things will be different…I know it will…..
I wanted to feel free, not look over my shoulder to see disapproving glances, and sly looks towards wallets.
We walked up to the bar, ordered a few shots of vodka and already my body was swaying to the music. It was following an ancient rhythm where everything took on a hue of its own. I could feel the alcohol loosen my body, the pains receding from every pore of my being. For days I had been feeling a nagging ache in my being. This night was all about me. Just me! No one knew who I was, and I felt like a million dollars, that’s exactly what I wanted.
We swung over to the dance floor, there I began dancing, and it was surreal. So many throbbing bodies around me, dancing, swinging and feeling each and every beat. Though we were strangers in the night, like passing ships on a harbor, but we all danced as one.
There was a sense of release on everyone’s faces and there seem to be a secret smile….as if we knew a secret and it was making us happy. I closed my eyes and let the mix of music, alcohol and flashing lights take me over. I did not care what my body did… I let it pulsate, holding my friend’s hand….I had a vague sense of her being around and yet I did not need her to hold my hand. She gave me a great gift, a gift of introduction to myself.
For a long time I had been feeling lost within a maze of expectations. Today as I danced and saw the admiration in the eyes of strangers….for me…not as someone’s wife or daughter or friend…but Me! It gave the confidence to think that I myself am a person that someone might be interested in talking to…dance with…meet me….
After I returned from this amazing experience, for days I have been glowing …and smiling…and been feeling invincible. Nothing seems to faze me… I want to smile all the time; I am loving me and thus am feeling the love around me. People are looking at different or rather I am noticing them notice me….the feeling is stupendous….
I might not get a night like that again…the magic, the dream…but that night and the people who were around me that night gave me a new lease on life. I felt so good about myself that it has galvanized me to achieve more, aspire more for myself, think less of others’ expectations of me and think more of what I want and need. It was a one night trip that made me see my life through the haze and truly think of how I am spending it and how I want to lead it.
I also know Rome was not built in a day and thus I will not take any rash decisions…but I am thinking…and if one starts thinking and believing… then things will be different…I know it will…..
June 13, 2009
The circle of life
Round and round we go, where we start, we end and then start all over agian...
Today what is ending is giving birth to tomorrow. Tomorrow will bring its own ends and beginnings....
I look at today with a sigh in my heart...I look to tomorrow with anticipation...I look back with content....
Everyday of our lives are an adventure we have lived through,We do not have to be Indiana Jones and swing from trees each day...Just by living every minute of our lives we are a part of a cycle...our own cycle...
Dont resent it, dont second guess it...it is a fabric created by someone who knows all, let it spin...you cannot control it...so just flow...and the circle of life will come full circle...
Today what is ending is giving birth to tomorrow. Tomorrow will bring its own ends and beginnings....
I look at today with a sigh in my heart...I look to tomorrow with anticipation...I look back with content....
Everyday of our lives are an adventure we have lived through,We do not have to be Indiana Jones and swing from trees each day...Just by living every minute of our lives we are a part of a cycle...our own cycle...
Dont resent it, dont second guess it...it is a fabric created by someone who knows all, let it spin...you cannot control it...so just flow...and the circle of life will come full circle...
January 21, 2009
Yesterday's memories- written by me years ago...just found it!!!
What was today will be yesterday,
What was yesterday is yesterday,
So whether it is tomorrow or today,
Soon it will all be yesterday.
As the day passes it becomes yesterday,
The memory of pain,the feeling of joy,
which was felt today,will be soon yesterday.
Life takes new avenues along the lonely path.
But every path taken....soon is to become yesterday.
No matter how bad today is...it will become a yesterday.
He left yesterday,I was happy yesterday,
I cried yesterday..life deserted happiness yesterday.
But I shall not cry. I will make today good,
That I will always have a happy yesterday.
And even if I cannot...anyway...it will soon be yesterday.
January 11, 2009
When I think of you...dream of you...you are always smiling।
You smiled when you cooked, you smiled when you talked।You smiled when you talked about cooking....you were all smiles।
Then there are days when I forget।I forget how you cooked।I forget how you talked.The one thing that I never forget though...is your smile.
Once I remember your smile...it all comes back...your laugh your touch, your smell....and you dont seem to have gone...but seem to have just left the room. I can feel the warmth of your embrace, the gentle touch of your soft skin of your sweet palms on my forehead.
I take solace in the thought that you are now the very airI breath...every little wisp of fresh air makes me feel your touch.
The gentle music of the leaves to the wind feels like your gentle musical voice whispering in my ears..."I am here! I love you! I will always be there for you when you need me!"
Happy New Year Mom!!
You smiled when you cooked, you smiled when you talked।You smiled when you talked about cooking....you were all smiles।
Then there are days when I forget।I forget how you cooked।I forget how you talked.The one thing that I never forget though...is your smile.
Once I remember your smile...it all comes back...your laugh your touch, your smell....and you dont seem to have gone...but seem to have just left the room. I can feel the warmth of your embrace, the gentle touch of your soft skin of your sweet palms on my forehead.
I take solace in the thought that you are now the very airI breath...every little wisp of fresh air makes me feel your touch.
The gentle music of the leaves to the wind feels like your gentle musical voice whispering in my ears..."I am here! I love you! I will always be there for you when you need me!"
Happy New Year Mom!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)