When I walked down the stairs of the black and red club….pulsing with loud music…..all I wanted to do was dance, let my hair down and have fun.
I wanted to feel free, not look over my shoulder to see disapproving glances, and sly looks towards wallets.
We walked up to the bar, ordered a few shots of vodka and already my body was swaying to the music. It was following an ancient rhythm where everything took on a hue of its own. I could feel the alcohol loosen my body, the pains receding from every pore of my being. For days I had been feeling a nagging ache in my being. This night was all about me. Just me! No one knew who I was, and I felt like a million dollars, that’s exactly what I wanted.
We swung over to the dance floor, there I began dancing, and it was surreal. So many throbbing bodies around me, dancing, swinging and feeling each and every beat. Though we were strangers in the night, like passing ships on a harbor, but we all danced as one.
There was a sense of release on everyone’s faces and there seem to be a secret smile….as if we knew a secret and it was making us happy. I closed my eyes and let the mix of music, alcohol and flashing lights take me over. I did not care what my body did… I let it pulsate, holding my friend’s hand….I had a vague sense of her being around and yet I did not need her to hold my hand. She gave me a great gift, a gift of introduction to myself.
For a long time I had been feeling lost within a maze of expectations. Today as I danced and saw the admiration in the eyes of strangers….for me…not as someone’s wife or daughter or friend…but Me! It gave the confidence to think that I myself am a person that someone might be interested in talking to…dance with…meet me….
After I returned from this amazing experience, for days I have been glowing …and smiling…and been feeling invincible. Nothing seems to faze me… I want to smile all the time; I am loving me and thus am feeling the love around me. People are looking at different or rather I am noticing them notice me….the feeling is stupendous….
I might not get a night like that again…the magic, the dream…but that night and the people who were around me that night gave me a new lease on life. I felt so good about myself that it has galvanized me to achieve more, aspire more for myself, think less of others’ expectations of me and think more of what I want and need. It was a one night trip that made me see my life through the haze and truly think of how I am spending it and how I want to lead it.
I also know Rome was not built in a day and thus I will not take any rash decisions…but I am thinking…and if one starts thinking and believing… then things will be different…I know it will…..
