Does it matter...should it matter ?

Your hair are too thin,
You let yourself go,
You need to cut back on carbs.

Really?
Have you seen yourself?
Does it matter really to you or anyone if my hair are thin?

Would you not rather know how I am doing?
If I am happy?
If something is not well with me?

Why are appearances that all that matter?

The bigger question is why do I care?
Should I care?
What they think?
Why does it still bother me?

Life is tough... why make it tougher for someone by judging them? 

Blue

It hits me out of the blue and boy do I get blue.
My arms ache to reach out and be engulfed.

I ache for the warmth that can melt away my sadness.
My body rocks to an ancient rhythm. The rocking of my body in a soothing
motion that remind me of my mother's embrace.

I ache for the love and the familiarity that is slipping away everyday.
I have loved ones around me, I am loved, I am cherished ...yet
its not enough. I miss the care and affections of the ones that are departed.

As the seasons turn,
I am reminded of their loss.
I see them in my dreams and sometimes I catch them
from the corner of my eye.
I hear their voice , calling my name and I reach my arms out...
trying to reach them.
Then I wake up and know...
that they are gone.
That begins the cycle of sadness that I have to push away everyday.

A loss is not of just a person,
but of moments, life, memories, a part of our lives.
It cannot be mourned and be moved on from.
It is something we deal with every day.
I decide each day I am not going to let it take me down.

And then....the blues hit....and boy do they hit.
My heart aches with the memory of my mother's embrace.
My father's loving hand on my fore head,
the way he tucked my strand of hair behind my ear,
how Mom got us ready for school.

How I took it all for granted ....and now....
I just wish I could go back and remember more details.
Yet all that I remember and miss most is her hugs.
His voice.
Their love.
My days ache from their loss.

I will smile and live and love....but part of me will always ache for them.

My hush...

What bothers me is the hush...
The silence...
Like we were just talking and in mid sentence you stopped...just stopped and I was left holding my breath...wondering...what you were going to say...if you were going to say what I hope you were going to say...
Then the space between us is filled with this uneasy quite that makes me sad....
I feel a feeling of gloom settle over me..I frown and my eyes mist up...
I want us to talk forever..with you...about everything....
Your loves, your passions, your beliefs, your disappointments, your desires, your ambitions...your quirks...I want to learn every wrinkle and every nuance of yours for the rest of my life.
Idealist you call me? Utopian? A die hard romantic? Yes...maybe...but this is me...the me inside wants to say hello to the inside of you...
I do not care what you show to be to the world out there...but with me...peel off that mask...that layer of grime you cast on your beautiful face to hide yourself from the hurt around you...
Yes...I see you...all of you...and what I can't see...I want to see desperately...
only do not let the hush get so long that it blankets every other sense of mine and fill me with the gossamer of doubts....
In the silence of the night ...when the world turns their face to the dark and their eyes clasp the sheer dark curtains of sleep...I wait....I wait for you to fill my silence.... the quite roars in my ears and I wait for you to whisper your thoughts and your smile I feel through your words and voice....
I want to reach over and touch the corner of your voice.... the sound that takes every single fear from me and casts it aside... sets me free of myself and gives me the courage to face my tomorrows...