Don't let me go

I find myself in a place. A place a lot of us might find ourselves.
Its limbo.
If someone glances into the window of my life it seems perfect.
Yes, everything a person can need to exist is available.
What society perceives as achievement is there.
Yet I find myself swimming in a funk.
It's like I am floating right under the surface of reality.
I know I am underwater. I can hear the loud silences.
I can hear my heart beating in my ears. I know I exist.
I know I want to break over the edge of the water.
As I see the light play on the surface I want to reach over and touch its warmth.
Yet, something holds me back.
What is it?
I don't know. My fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of seeing a new reality.
Fear of changing things as is.
So thus I float. For now. The water is like a glass barrier above me,
between me and the world.
Is that reality better than this? I have no idea.
I have a straw to breathe.
The straw that I hold on to with dear life.
Its the only link between me and my chance to reality.
The only link in the chain that keeps reminding me that I should not
forget that I was once different and things CAN be different someday.
Till the day I can break free...oh dear straw of mine...don't let me go.
I might lose sight and lull myself into false security in this limbo.
You are my touchstone.
Don't let me forget.....and don't ever let me go!

My hush...

What bothers me is the hush...
The silence...
Like we were just talking and in mid sentence you stopped...just stopped and I was left holding my breath...wondering...what you were going to say...if you were going to say what I hope you were going to say...
Then the space between us is filled with this uneasy quite that makes me sad....
I feel a feeling of gloom settle over me..I frown and my eyes mist up...
I want us to talk forever..with you...about everything....
Your loves, your passions, your beliefs, your disappointments, your desires, your ambitions...your quirks...I want to learn every wrinkle and every nuance of yours for the rest of my life.
Idealist you call me? Utopian? A die hard romantic? Yes...maybe...but this is me...the me inside wants to say hello to the inside of you...
I do not care what you show to be to the world out there...but with me...peel off that mask...that layer of grime you cast on your beautiful face to hide yourself from the hurt around you...
Yes...I see you...all of you...and what I can't see...I want to see desperately...
only do not let the hush get so long that it blankets every other sense of mine and fill me with the gossamer of doubts....
In the silence of the night ...when the world turns their face to the dark and their eyes clasp the sheer dark curtains of sleep...I wait....I wait for you to fill my silence.... the quite roars in my ears and I wait for you to whisper your thoughts and your smile I feel through your words and voice....
I want to reach over and touch the corner of your voice.... the sound that takes every single fear from me and casts it aside... sets me free of myself and gives me the courage to face my tomorrows...

The Shell of Emptiness....

I often wonder about the shell of a snail...

It carries this empty shell on its back, which happens to be its entire world.

If it is not carrying its empty world it retreats into it,

thus shutting the rest of the universe outside.

Does it know what its doing? Is it happy living such a life?

Is its existence better than most?

Is it ok to carry one's solitude and loneliness on their being, around them, enveloped by it.

Most people do strange things to rid themselves of this shell of emptiness.

Can they? In the end...I feel we all have this shell within us.

Even when we are with loved ones, we can see we are not alone,

but there comes a moment of clarity when we realize ...everything is flimsy..... its all temporary...

love, friendship, enmity.... all the relationships we have, have a limitation....

and in the end its just us....

we are responsible for our happiness and only we can light a candle in the darkness

of our hearts and create a semblance of joy...and make peace with out solitude.

We...like the shell of the snail...are destined to carry our solitude and loneliness in our selves.....

the only difference is the snail has no choice...we as beings can shrink the size of it and become comfortable with our shells of solitary confinements by making peace with them and

acknowledging them as well as giving it its due importance thus accepting its existence and

also recognizing its presence....ergo as we identify our burden....it becomes easier to carry ... we may not get rid of it but we walk a little taller..knowing it exists and always will...we came alone...we leave alone....what we have inside....will also be what we have to comprehend....alone!!!