Do you know life is too short to keep up pretense?

Now here is what I ponder today...

Do we love for the sake of love or we hold on in fear...

Now I am not just talking about a romantic relationship...it can be any relationship is what concerns me....

We hold on to redundant friendships and relations...knowing full well that they do not serve their purpose any more. They may have started out as strong solid relations but as time goes by...they fade into a habit of a relationship. 

You go through the motions of talking, making the same jokes and aching about the same aches...then you part ways and wonder what you talked about. Why did you not feel the same exhilaration or catharsis you always felt? The rush of joy you felt when the other understood you in the minimal use of language. 

That is when I start thinking ..is the relationship still alive. Am I just holding on due to history and nostalgia or does it still mean as much to me as it did before?

As I metamorphosize so does the other individual and thus we grow in different directions and what once seemed funny and amusing is just sad and redundant now. 

Is it time to let go of the fear of being alone...without the familiarity? Is the sense of familiarity that important?
There is of course another question that then takes birth from these swirling dark clouds of questions of existence...can the love be salvaged?
That is a big question to follow the already pebble ridden path that we were strolling down already. The pebbly questions poke the soft skin of the under foot and the grit hurts to the point where we are forced to stop and take stalk. We are forced to rethink our path and think carefully how to avoid the gritty path.
Love is a powerful yet overused and tired word. What is love really? Is it being fond of someone to the point where you do not see yourself without the other? Is it the irrational chemical and physical reaction to a person or thing? Can we love without fear? Can we be brave to let go and more still are we brave enough to realize that the love is gone?
It may not be fleeting but it surely can fade. If there is a residue of comfort to the level that is acceptable and nothing else gives...then maybe we hold on. But not out of fear of loss. Not out of the dread of the gaping hole that may occur as the sudden vacuum created by the fading and subsequent removal of this.
I know most of us ...including I think...why should I let go? Why not let it be? Its not like its killing me? Well that may be true. It could be a something that exists in your life, just because you have it. Like that ugly totem you bought on a trip to the islands and now it does not go with your life but it is still there because you bought it and have fond memories connected to it. My only problem with that would be...the totem does not take away from your life but this kind of relations that are no more gratifying..they eat away at you. You will have to keep up the Charade and pretenses and the only question then remains it...
Do you know life is too short to keep up pretense? 

My father...my inspiration...

It is ironic that exactly one year ago this day, my father suddenly died and left a huge void in my life. We never realize how vital and what a huge part of your life someone is until they are gone. But this is
not about my sadness or of my loss.
My father like most working people did a job...got paid and took the best care of us his family. He was a plastics engineer.
Then he decided one day to do his own thing.
So he opened a business, in Nigeria, he lost a lot of capital as he did not have the right plan or the work force and he had to shut down operations. Most people would quit but he didn't. He moved us to India where he invested with an old family friend ( one tip for to be entrepreneurs, either do not work with friends and family or have everything in written, in triplicates preferably). The old family friend set up operations and put most of the business in his own name. My father was the muscle and brains but the so-called friend was the face and name of the business. As we all can see where that would have gone, soon he duped my father and booted him out.
That was the end of another heart breaking episode, the thing about papa was, he never quit.
Lesson 1. Never Quit. Try Try and Try again.
As things progressed my father tried different things, one thing he did not do was sit home and wait for
the right job to come along.
It was then that he thought of starting his own dried snacks (Namkeen) business. It sounds great but he was 1 man. No one to help or support him. My brother and I were too young and in school. Only person to help him was Mom, who stood by him like a rock.
This is what he did, every once a week,he would get up at 3 am. I would drive him to the bus station in C.P, New Delhi at 5 am where he too the bus to Jaipur, Rajasthan, a 6 hour bus ride. He would buy the snacks in sacks (sounds like a nice rhyme) then he would catch the bus back and get back home around mid night and some times later. The next day we would all, my family and sometimes our school friends, create an assembly line. Papa would scoop and put the snacks in baggies and then one of us would weigh them, then the next would seal them and the last would put it in cartons and pack them.
In an ideal world it was a great home based business, unfortunately there was no social media marketing. My father would pack the samples and supplies in the car and take them from store to store trying to break the monopoly of the existing businesses and just get his foot in the door. Gradually he got tired and had to quit. No marketing, no human resource and barely any capital, he still took his shot.
Lesson 2. If you want to do something, go for it, sometimes take the leap of faith is what matters.
Lesson 3. You may not always be successful but at least you could tell yourself that you tried!
After this experience he got in touch with a God sent man who offered my father a consulting position with a government organization and my father never looked back. The hard days were gone and then there were happy days where he could once again breath easy and not worry about how will he send my brother to Engineering school or get me married.
He retired a happy man, but that was not the end of his endeavours. He was always interested in a good business venture and always encouraged people who wanted to do their own thing. Till the last day of his life, he was involved in various ventures and wanted to keep doing things. He didn't have to, he had a house, his wife had passed on, his kids were married and settled...but it was like he just could not sit still or idle for long.
Lesson4. Never let go of your appetite for life!
My father lived big, forgave all and loved all.
Today, him as my inspiration, I venture out on my own, starting my own catering business. I hope he looks down upon me with a smile or frown ( as he may think I am doing something wrong and he wants to advice me). I hope I make him proud and am able to be a success.
Thank you Papa....you will always be my inspiration.