Dreams are expensive

When I watch a fantasy show....the one thing is always repeated...Magic comes with a price....
But then if we translate it in our real life....
our dreams are figuratively magic and thus our dreams have a price.....and quite an expensive one for that!
I wonder why the Universe exacts such a huge pound of flesh for a dream we dare to dream....
I guess that is why we live most our lives on auto pilot...afraid of dreaming....even imagining to dare that there could be a different reality than what we live in...
It is definitely easy to say all one has to do is get up and change their circumstances or just take the first step....but not everyone has the the courage to do so....thus fear rules our lives....or is it that we know the price we have to pay for a dream....dream to have a different reality...to take a different path...to desire...to achieve...to be....or to mean anything more......
Dreams are like those fleeting foggy clouds...misty and flimsy passing through the skies of our  mind....we see them....we feel their moist kisses on our brow passing over us....making our body clammy with desire....yet we dare not stop and try to solidify them....because we know ....to stop a dream and try to hold on...may mean giving up every single thing you know and hold dear...it will question your very existence.....

I wonder again...

As we grow and time passes...I am forced to wonder and ponder over this one thing. What is morality? What are ethics? What is right and what is wrong? What is natural and what is unnatural?
Yes, these may be questions that plagued many a philosophers and thinkers. It bothers me too. I wonder about these questions as they come into play on a daily bases in my life and of all that I know.
I was told by one person homosexuality was wrong. I asked "Why do you think that?" The answer, though I do not know why it surprised me, was , "Its unnatural. Nature made man and woman for specific reasons and thus to mate in any other equation is against nature."
I was pained by this view. Yes, it is that person's view point. Yet the narrow thinking pained me. How does one grow older and never evolves? I did try to explain to the best of my ability and yet it fell short and the person turned away, clasping tightly to their archaic view point.
So I think who has placed these views in people? How does one come to the conclusion that one act is right and one is wrong? Who gives them the authority to judge an action, a thought a feeling?
If a married woman/man felt an innate need is not being met , they seize an opportunity if it arose, to fulfill it, will they be considered immoral? Most people are conditioned to believe that society functions in absolutes! Yet, is it? Wrong or immoral I mean? Can a person not love one and yet find a need fulfilled somewhere else? I bet the people who are members of Ashley Maddison might back me up on this! Yet thats what got me thinking on this train of thought. Why is it considered cheating or betrayal? Where does it say by nature we are to be monogamous? Yes, it says so in the the holy books of certain religions. But them who wrote those books? Men! Then it is thinking of certain men that decide what we should think is right or wrong not our own sense of judgement.
Here is what I think, we are born once. We have no idea of what came before or what is to come after. We have been given an individual brain for a reason or else we would have been part of a collective like the Borge. We are meant to take decisions pertaining to our lives, individually. Morality, ethics, right, wrong, natural and unnatural are all relative terms and we have to weigh our options based on personal opinion instead of something handed down by a faceless people centuries ago which hold no sense of propriety in today's time and age. It may have been good for the society at their time as it needed the structure and guidlines as it was evolving. Now we are past that and as evolution continues we need to stop with the collective thinking and really apply our own sense to the matter. Society will not disintegrate unlike the popular belief. Now I know some one will argue, then that should we let people do what ever they want like rob, rape and cheat others. NO! That is not what I am saying and if this thought has crossed your mind after reading the above, you should stop reading!
As long as it does not do harm to any other being, its not fatal to anyone, our decisions have to be our own, in matters that pertain only to self and has nothing to do with opion of others is where I am coming from. I am not asking to dessimate society completely.I am saying it is possible to maintain one's inviduality also in a social setting.Matters pertaining to the heart. Marraige, job, friendship, fashion, your own life. Do not be the sheep following the herd!
 We cannot view the world by the standards set by someone centuries ago. We must not judge at all. We have to take it as a part of evolution and learn to grow individually as well as appreciate the growth and changes around us. 

Do you know life is too short to keep up pretense?

Now here is what I ponder today...

Do we love for the sake of love or we hold on in fear...

Now I am not just talking about a romantic relationship...it can be any relationship is what concerns me....

We hold on to redundant friendships and relations...knowing full well that they do not serve their purpose any more. They may have started out as strong solid relations but as time goes by...they fade into a habit of a relationship. 

You go through the motions of talking, making the same jokes and aching about the same aches...then you part ways and wonder what you talked about. Why did you not feel the same exhilaration or catharsis you always felt? The rush of joy you felt when the other understood you in the minimal use of language. 

That is when I start thinking ..is the relationship still alive. Am I just holding on due to history and nostalgia or does it still mean as much to me as it did before?

As I metamorphosize so does the other individual and thus we grow in different directions and what once seemed funny and amusing is just sad and redundant now. 

Is it time to let go of the fear of being alone...without the familiarity? Is the sense of familiarity that important?
There is of course another question that then takes birth from these swirling dark clouds of questions of existence...can the love be salvaged?
That is a big question to follow the already pebble ridden path that we were strolling down already. The pebbly questions poke the soft skin of the under foot and the grit hurts to the point where we are forced to stop and take stalk. We are forced to rethink our path and think carefully how to avoid the gritty path.
Love is a powerful yet overused and tired word. What is love really? Is it being fond of someone to the point where you do not see yourself without the other? Is it the irrational chemical and physical reaction to a person or thing? Can we love without fear? Can we be brave to let go and more still are we brave enough to realize that the love is gone?
It may not be fleeting but it surely can fade. If there is a residue of comfort to the level that is acceptable and nothing else gives...then maybe we hold on. But not out of fear of loss. Not out of the dread of the gaping hole that may occur as the sudden vacuum created by the fading and subsequent removal of this.
I know most of us ...including I think...why should I let go? Why not let it be? Its not like its killing me? Well that may be true. It could be a something that exists in your life, just because you have it. Like that ugly totem you bought on a trip to the islands and now it does not go with your life but it is still there because you bought it and have fond memories connected to it. My only problem with that would be...the totem does not take away from your life but this kind of relations that are no more gratifying..they eat away at you. You will have to keep up the Charade and pretenses and the only question then remains it...
Do you know life is too short to keep up pretense? 

My hush...

What bothers me is the hush...
The silence...
Like we were just talking and in mid sentence you stopped...just stopped and I was left holding my breath...wondering...what you were going to say...if you were going to say what I hope you were going to say...
Then the space between us is filled with this uneasy quite that makes me sad....
I feel a feeling of gloom settle over me..I frown and my eyes mist up...
I want us to talk forever..with you...about everything....
Your loves, your passions, your beliefs, your disappointments, your desires, your ambitions...your quirks...I want to learn every wrinkle and every nuance of yours for the rest of my life.
Idealist you call me? Utopian? A die hard romantic? Yes...maybe...but this is me...the me inside wants to say hello to the inside of you...
I do not care what you show to be to the world out there...but with me...peel off that mask...that layer of grime you cast on your beautiful face to hide yourself from the hurt around you...
Yes...I see you...all of you...and what I can't see...I want to see desperately...
only do not let the hush get so long that it blankets every other sense of mine and fill me with the gossamer of doubts....
In the silence of the night ...when the world turns their face to the dark and their eyes clasp the sheer dark curtains of sleep...I wait....I wait for you to fill my silence.... the quite roars in my ears and I wait for you to whisper your thoughts and your smile I feel through your words and voice....
I want to reach over and touch the corner of your voice.... the sound that takes every single fear from me and casts it aside... sets me free of myself and gives me the courage to face my tomorrows...

Loneliness

Loneliness is not just a state of mind as some people claim. I think it is a physical condition. Not all suffer from it constantly and yet all of us feel it in some form or another at some point or another in our lives. Whether you are single, married, kids, gay, straight, poor or rich. This is a condition that happens to creep up on us when we are least expecting it and punches us in the gut.

It is not the domain of the depressed or unhappy. Though they might feel it more strongly then others.
When your friends forsake you for their pleasure. When your spouse does not understand why you think something or want something or feel a certain way. You feel isolated, alone...misunderstood...
When a parent looks at you with confusion wondering why you said that. When you are in the middle of a crowded room and there is chatter all around you...yet no one seems to be talking your language.
You feel alone and thus lonely.

The worse is of course when you are all by yourself and all your loved ones or whom you think are your near and dear ones are too busy to spend some time with you. You might be brave enough to reach out timidly, afraid of being rejected or ridiculed.If there is a lack of empathy it drives you further inside and the shame of being needy just compounds the loneliness. Thus you put on a brave face and soldier on all the time feeling the dull ache of the growing hole of loneliness eating you from the inside out.

There are people who say they are happy to be alone. I wonder, is it all the time that they are happy. Don't they miss a human voice, a kind touch, a warm embrace or just a loving look? I am betting they do and they sweep the feeling away, telling themselves that feeling lonely is for the weak. Isn't that then just their ego telling them they are not lonely? In fact are they not just suppressing the reality? Some people fondly call it manning up!

To achieve great things people have been known to say they are faster alone. If you are a runner I guess you are. But in all other things...I believe no one person can succeed, there is always another nudging them along or making the path easier. It could be a parent , a friend, a sibling, a spouse and in some cases your employees. "No man is an island" said John Donne.

'No Man is an Island'

No man is an island entire of itself; every man 
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; 
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe 
is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as 
well as any manner of thy friends or of thine 
own were; any man's death diminishes me, 
because I am involved in mankind. 
And therefore never send to know for whom 
the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. 

MEDITATION XVII
Devotions upon Emergent Occasions
John Donne 

Explained-  Donne returns to his idea that 

“no man is an island,” indicating that 
everyone is connected to every other human being in some way. 

 Just as dirt and sand clods are part of the European continent, 

so too is each man part of the entire human race; 

the removal of a clod diminishes the 
continent,

 and the removal of a human life diminishes mankind. 

 Since every death diminishes the rest of mankind in some way,

 when the bell tolls for a funeral 

it tolls in a sense for everyone.