beacon...

When I thought of you at first,
there was just a vague sense of familiarity.

Then when you came,
we shared laughter and tears.

Over time we became comfortable.

Now that you have left,
my thoughts have changed.

I now see the light that shines in my home,
and see you in it.
You are like a beacon of light and hope that shines in my life.
You have brought back the hope to live,
a purpose to exist.

You are what you are,
I might not like you,
yet I love you,
and forever will hold you in great reverense.
I see you as a beacon of light and hope...
always will...

Sun of Gold...

As the sun set over the pacific ocean,
the moon showed up..all coy and shy like a bride
unveiling her face to the world.
The sun was shooting its last rays of light and was mixing
the gold in the azul waters like a painter has dipped his brush full of gold dust
in a blue bowl of water...there was a stain of gold where the
sun kissed the sea and was dropping out of view!

I saw her silhouette...gazing out the window of the moving car,
the sun and the moon chasing her in the window... and her eyes
drinking in the view ...thirsty and contented at the same time.
She had a secret smile on her face and a sad look in her eyes, as if remembering
an old ..fond memory or playing a story or a song in her head.

As far as perfect days go...that was it....I had the it all in that
one space....doing exactly what i loved.... with whom I loved...how I loved to
spend my time with them....it was just...perfect!

Fill the silence........

A dear friend told me i should not feel sorry for myself ...
or expect anyone else to feel sorry for me either....so I wont....

I am writing this just to express what is going on inside me right now...
Today completes one year of my mom's death..
exactly one year ago she was in the hospital,
she took her last breath.
She did not look into my eyes before she went.
She did not whisper anything.
It was nothing like they show in the movies.
She was sleeping one moment and then....
she was gone!!

I dont know how to feel,
I miss her...each day.
I think of something or buy something nice...
and then ...I realize she is gone.....gone.....
no more picking up the phone and sayin,"Mom!
I bought a new shirt...or dress..or purse....or..."

I want to cry but cant..the tears dont come....
I want to smile but the face does not co operate!
I want to run but my feet are rooted to the ground..
I want to talk but the words stick in my throat....

Recently a friend cried in my arms....for my loss....
still ..i couldnt cry!!

Why I wonder.....I want to.....Lord knows I do.....
but i cant...I just feel a deep sadness.....a hollow in my heart...
a quite I cant fill.
I just want to feel...I want to feel...I need to feel....for her
and for all that I have lost....
I want the silence to go away!

ethics...

Where does it stop,
I met a few people who believe that its all fair in war
and business.
And I will not sound naive by saying that we should never
be unethical or that nothing unethical should be done ever.
Yet there should be a line.
If by doing something unethical at a miniscule level
you can be happy and not hurt anyone as well as not
tip the balance of things ...it should be okay.

I am always torn between wrong and right and the thing is
I am the person who would follow her heart.
No matter what my mind says. It might tell me
that something is practicle or is socially exceptable yet,
if my heart is not in it....I cant do it.

But then thats just me...what matters is, eithics are still
a very integral part of our lives.
It is the right thing, the humane thing to do.

where the mind is without fear........

"Where the mind is without fear,
and the head is held high..."
Famous words from one of the most learned man in the world.
Though what is worth thinking about is....
Why does fear exist? Fear of what?
Fear of death,faliure, the unknown,the unexpected or of fear itself??

I have come to believe that destiny is all that matters.
Being afraid or fearing an event or emotion or even a person will not
change anything.
The key is to face it head on.
A friend once told me, think of the worst thing that can happen.
Now think that it has happened and how you will deal with it.
Once you know your plan-of-action and how you will deal, it is all
down hill from there.

"Que sera sera...whatever will be will be......"
A very powerful verse and an even more powerful song....

Its funny how the Gita and the Bible teach you the same thing.
Do what is in your power and do not worry about the consequences.
What is meant to be will be and what is not meant to be will never be
no matter how hard you try.

There is nothing to fear except fear itself.
Nothing is as bad as it seems.
Tomorrow is another day.
Time and tide waits for none.

When I was small and learnt these lines in school,
I never realized then how profound these lines are
and have changed my perspective towards life.

All I have learnt is, take each day as it comes. Take the
bad with a pinch of salt and the good with a smile and a thanks in your
heart!

Always keep your chin up and look life in the eye,
challenge it as if to say , "Bring it on....."